It’s different this time. He treats me well. He respects me. He thinks I’m beautiful. I love him.
It’s different this time. I found someone who makes me feel compassion and love. I don’t feel like I have to run when I find myself becoming vulnerable. Hell, I’m being vulnerable! I don’t have a 10-foot wall around my emotions like before. Now, being vulnerable…feels beautiful. He makes it safe for me to open up and expose the real me. Being naked like that is no longer a punishment, but a gift.
It’s different this time. I can feel what he says to me as though it’s connecting somewhere in my soul. I can laugh or smile or cry and know it’s no longer a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of healing.
It’s different this time. He’s leaving… He’s leaving and my heart is still intact. It’s bleeding for him but it hasn’t been ripped from my chest. This time I know how to heal my heart.
It’s different this time. The tears come when I say goodbye – no longer bottled inside. The tears make me feel alive and clean in the moment. I don’t have to isolate by painfully shedding them alone.
It’s different this time. I know that my love is not loss. I don’t know how things will work out for each of us but I know one thing: they will work out. I miss him but my world has not come to an end. I feel fulfilled, loved and capable. I found Love.
Want to know why it’s different this time? Because, this time, I’m different.